The Big Move
It’s finally happening! The Big Move I’ve been working towards for the past five and a half years is quickly approaching. As I sit down to begin this blog post, I have just about a month to go before I embark on this adventure towards the next chapter of my life. I am feeling just about every emotion in preparation for this, and about a month ago it hit me, that it didn’t matter how long this had been a dream or how “ready” I got, I would always have these big fears to work through once it became real.
The pieces started falling into place about 6 months ago when my best friend and podcast partner and I started discussing the reality of becoming roommates. Our timelines for what was realistic for us lined up pretty well, so we began to dream. Since then we’ve been looking at places and discussing the reality of living together. The closer the time comes, the more each part of it becomes more clear. We aligned our desires of what we’re looking for in a place and what areas we’re looking in, we’ve discussed what we’re bringing to the home and what we’ll build together over time. We have such a beautiful vision for our new life together that I know it will be incredible once we get there and settle in, but we’re still very much in the middle of the hard part - getting there.
This experience has been extremely cathartic for me. I consider myself to be someone who is actively doing “the work” in regards to self through unlearning unhelpful and limiting beliefs, habits and behaviors, and processing the deeper meaning behind all of it. I thought I’d made a lot of progress, but it turns out, it doesn’t matter how much growth and evolution I’ve achieved, it would never have me completely prepared for this kind of change. I am moving all the way across the country, from the top of the northeast to the bottom of the southwest, coast to coast. For the first time in my life, I am not going to be able to drive home in just a few hours. I have never lived more than 3 hours away from home, and no matter how old you get, that’s scary. I am letting go of so much, not just emotionally, but literally physically as well. This big change has pushed me to finally getting around to intentionally going through all of my belongings from all stages of life thus far and deciding what truly brings me joy and what I can let go of. While I’m doing that, I’m also deciding what I’m trying to take with me on this adventure and what I’m leaving behind. It may sound trivial to some, but for me, I create a deep emotional attachment to my things, and I place some blame on my Moon - Pluto conjunction in the 9th House in Scorpio (if you know astrology, you know), but on top of that, keeping everything is a deep generational trauma I’m trying to break that comes from both sides. It may be the part of preparation that I’ve had the most resistance to, and thus, have saved the bulk of it for the final days, as in right now. As I’m writing this, it’s just about a week away from Christmas, and almost two weeks away from my birthday. So not only am I faced with doing big work in a limited time, but it’s also the last holiday season and birthday I’ll be celebrating in Maine for a while.
I’m so grateful to have spent the last 4 years in the comfort bubble of home, I’ve been able to achieve so much growth and evolution here, but I do truly feel like that has been limited. I feel just like a plant that’s ready to be repotted. My roots have stretched to every corner of this container that I’ve known so long and they have nowhere else to go. I can’t grow anymore here, the next phase of growth for me lies 3,000 miles outside of my comfort zone. I’m so ready to step into new levels of growth, fear and all.
So if you’re thinking of making a big change, even if it’s not a cross country move, this is your sign to just do it, because the fear will always be there. There is no amount of growth that you can accomplish that will completely eradicate the fear, you just have to do it anyways. Even though I’m not all the way through it yet, I know it will be worth it. The worst thing in life is to get to your final days with regrets, so do the scary thing! If you need some support along the way, reach out to me, I’m happy to help!
