The Fear Continues…
(Originally written September 24, 2020)
For most of my life I’ve let fear hold me back, not understanding that fear is actually an indicator for me to push through and give whatever is scaring me a real chance. A lot of things have been scary for me in this journey so far, especially this past year of trying to figure out my business. I’ve known I wanted to help people since I was a small child. I always knew I had some calling related to working with people, but I had such a hard time finding it, and to be completely transparent, sometimes I’m not 100% sure I’ve even found it or figured it out yet. But for now what I do know is that if it feels right now, I need to give it a try, because how will I know if its truly meant for me to be doing or not if I don’t try?
Fear and I have such a paralyzing relationship, its like I get this great idea that I’m hyped on and ready to start working towards, and as soon as I do, the fear sets in, and I’m paralyzed and trying to talk myself into giving up or not even trying in the first place. I’m grateful that my own coach patiently reminds me each time that this stuff never goes away. The imposter syndrome, the money stuff, the doubts and fears, all of it never goes away, we just get better at acknowledging it and working with it.
A great example is this website, I have been paying for it for over a year before I ever published it for others to see.. Because, fear. Fear said I didn’t know enough, fear said I didn’t have enough information, fear said I didn’t have good enough images, fear (or imposter syndrome honestly) kept telling me it wasn’t enough, wasn’t good enough or polished enough, and I gave in to it. The recovering perfectionist in me won’t let anyone else see it until it is up to my standards, but does that mean I keep paying for it forever and never let anyone see it? No.
At this point of where I’m at with my own work, I’ve learned a bit more about how to work with fear and use it to motivate me instead of discourage me. I’m going to work on seeing fear as an indicator that I should continue instead of stop, because that’s what it is. It’s telling me I’m on to something, but it’s new, and the outcome is unknown, and that’s okay! They say practice makes perfect, and you need to put in 10,000 hours to master something, so I’m just gonna keep trying, even if I fail, I know I faced the fear and gave it my all, and maybe eventually, there won’t be fear, or as much at least.
UPDATE: It is now February 28, 2022 and I am putting the finishing touches on this website to get ready to launch in two days. I am publishing my blog posts to prepare for this to go live and be available for all to see. I am still filled with fear, but I am pushing through it because we all have to start somewhere, and it may not ever be “perfect” but I’m finally ready to share this initial version with the world. I know it will grow and improve right along with me, and I can’t wait to grow right along with y’all as well! <3
